When I asked Macee to write about her boudoir experience with me, she quickly responded with a “Yes!” When I first read this, it brought me to tears. Macee’s transformation has been one of the most memorable ones. Here is her story…

I actually really hate what I I look like in pictures. I haven’t changed my profile picture on facebook in 2 years- my husband is in it. I was thinner then and happened to be wearing makeup. why disrupt a good thing?

booking a boudoir shoot was a crazy idea. Its was meant to be a gift for my husband for our anniversary. He always tells me how beautiful I am , even if I rolled my eyes every time he said it. Beautiful after working 8 hours and coming home to take care of the kids? sweatpants, hair tie, chilling with no make up on.. beautiful? not quite.

Don’t get me wrong I appreciate the love and compliments , but it was hard to believe him most days. I knew he thought I was perfect, but what was he seeing that I couldn’t see? A boudoir shoot would blow his mind! He would never expect it from me. I could do this for him… I think. I never expected to feel immediate doubt. What was I thinking? Scheduling a boudoir photo shoot? In front of a stranger?

I wasn’t a sexy person- I knew nothing about what looked sexy on me/ I had never even seen a garter belt, let alone put one on. I went to my closet girl friends for support but I the reply I received from most was absolute shock! “You’re doing WHAT?”” You’re brave” “I could never…”

doubt and anxiety echoed back at me. Never do that? But why not? Why never? My friends are stunning, but I couldn’t convince them otherwise. Is that what I was doing to myself without even realizing it? Was looking down on myself instead of loving myself? If I could build my friends up shouldn’t I be loving myself in the same way? The world makes it so easy for us, as women, to focus on our imperfections- to focus on all our our “flaws” Society presents us with the “perfect” women on billboards, on the tv, the internet…

I wasn’t ever going to be that girl. But I sure as hell could try right?

I prepared for my boudoir photo shoot as much as I could, checking off all of the things on my list to buy and do to make myself look like a better version of myself. Nails and toes done- check! Hey ladies, ever had a Brazilian wax? painful Check! Go to various lingerie stores, trying on outfit after outfit.

Then it was here- Boudoir Shoot Day. I shuffled into Tonya’s studio-wearing leggings and oversized tee shirt and no bra or makeup -what was I doing?

I was immediately greeted by Tonya and her friendly and excited face.

I tried to put on a brave face as I laid out all of the lingerie outfits I brought for the shoot. All while chatting with Tonya and Kinsey, The makeup and hair artist. I’m so out of my element , I thought. I’m not sexy. What if my husband doesn’t like these pictures after all? I was whisked into the hair and make up chair soon after.

“What look are you going for today?” Kinsey asked me.

“Well I don’t usually wear alot of makeup, and I wear my glasses everyday"..” I was staring at myself in the mirror, Looking at all of my blemished that were being amplified even more by her makeup light. I didn’t know how to reply.

“Do you like beachy waves?”

I smiled . I loved when my hair was curled. I started to get more comfortable. While I was getting my hair and makeup done. Tonya chatted with me about my life, work, reasoning behind my session, she ever shared bits about her life and work. I was so nice to see similarities we’ve shared during our lives, even though we’ve never met before this day. Maybe I can do this! Especially when I looked at myself in the mirror once hair and makeup was done. I couldn’t stop staring! Could I really look that pretty? I seriously couldn’t recognize the woman in the mirror - the same mirror I had just focused on the imperfections on my face. Why was I so obsessed with focusing on the negatives.

It’s really all about jumping off of that cliff. The cliff where all of your insecurities hang out and whisper those non-truths into your soul. The cliff where you have never felt good enough. The cliff where we judge other women for what they look lie. The cliff’s edge that is too damn perfect to leave most days.

But I was determined for today to not be that day. If I could jump out of a perfectly good airplane on my birthday I could jump off this cliff of imperfections.

The conservative, awkward nerd in glasses finally started to come out of her shell, slowly but surely.

“Loo how stunning you are!” Tonya rushed over to show me picture on the back of her camera. That moment on I started to BELIEVE it!

Even if I had to play Beyonce to hype me up in the beginning, even if Tonya had to help me hook up my thigh highs to my garter belt. Even when I couldn’t relax the worry wrinkles on my forehead. Even when Tonya had to help me lift my booty for a better arch. Even when I was laughing hysterically because the bed sucks you in. Even when I laid down on the cold hard wood floors to get the perfect shot. I finally let go- I felt free.

I could have never imagined what the final product would be.

You would never think that putting your clothes back on for the reveal session would actually be the most nerve wrecking moment of the day! I felt so sexy, so confident and beautiful. Would all of that come through in the photos?

Tonya showed me picture after picture -a girl I hardly recognized.

“Is that me? That’s not me!”

“Yes! That’s you girl” Tonya kept saying to me. I didn’t once focus on the flaws and imperfections That plague my daily life. It was so liberating. For the first time in my life, I genuinely didn’t feel weighted down by those thoughts. Maybe it took Tonya’s perspective for me to see myself in a true light. That stunning women in those photos -IS ME! and the craziest thing is those photos weren’t even edited yet! I was speechless.

Flawless. Me. Used in the same sentence. ( I get emotional just writing this) I had never felt that way before. I felt like I was on top of the world. Is this what it felt like to see me through my husbands eyes? Is this what it felt like to truly love yourself?

I know if I felt this way about myself, there was no way on earth he wouldn’t be surprised. I decided to get a photo album for me husband 30 beautiful photos from my boudoir shoot. That I honestly flip through myself ever chance that I get. I think I look at them more than he does. It’s a daily reminder that my self-image has completely changed after having this boudoir shoot. A new lever of confidence and acceptance became a part of my everyday life-all thanks to Tonya, who has an amazing talen and gift of finding beauty in everyone.

I felt so empowered just being, well…me. I had realized in giving my husband this gift. I had unintentionally given myself the greatest gift of all.

Love